Hello my little plum puddings! Chauffeuring one's friends and loved ones is a "responsibility" of enormous proportions (one which Mylesie rarely undertakes, as she prefers to remain unencumbered while behind the wheel of her famously gas-efficient Atomic Blueberry). It's a common dilemma: You want to help someone while simultaneously wanting to strangle them. Or, you are (for whatever reason) at the mercy of a friend who seems to have obtained their driving license at Clown College (not that there's anything wrong with Clown College).
Driving someone around--especially in a vehicle!-- is often a stressful and difficult experience for both rider and driver, as you will see in our next little installment of "Dear Mylesie." Thank goodness the writer of the next letter had the presence of mind to contact yours truly to run interference! Disaster and/or bloodshed may just be avoided. Take heed, kittens!
Dear Mylesie
You are the only one I can turn to for sane, objective advice! My friend is very dear to me, and she depends on me for rides to appointments, and to pick up her kids from school, but she harps on my driving so much that it makes me nervous! "Speed up!" "Don't tailgate!" How can I let her--and my other friends who won't shut up about my driving--know how annoying this is?
Granted, I tend, for safety's sake, to drive extremely slowly compared to others on the road. So slowly in fact, that I do become distracted at times and forget to stop at stop lights, or miss my turns, or turn right in front of someone--but not too often! If something happened to my friend or her children while I was driving, I would never be able to forgive myself. Please! Tell my friend to stop criticizing me!
--Being Driven Crazy
Dear Crazy,
Oh dear. You were wise to write in! You sound like a very caring person, and so generous to drive your friend and her spawn around town. Criticism in the car, no matter how well meaning, can further disrupt the driver's concentration, which could result in disaster, or at the very least, an unwanted seat wetting! Your friend must do her best to keep quiet about your driving, (unless of course she is shrieking for you to STOP THE CAR! because you are about to hit that dog/child/drive thru sign/truck full of tomatoes). Let her know that her comments are detrimental and distracting to your driving, that they make you nervous, and unless she is addressing an immediate, impending disaster, she must keep her yap shut.
But wait! There's more, Crazy. It begs the question: might you also be texting, talking on the phone, drinking coffee, and putting on your makeup while you are driving ultra slowly and running stoplights? Stop fiddling with the radio or your MP3 player. Quit trying to eat a 7 course meal and do your taxes while behind the wheel! Pick up the pace to the flow of traffic and PAY ATTENTION! It's no wonder your friends are terrified and complaining. Even if you are "simply" driving more slowly than everyone else, you are endangering the lives of your friend, her children, and most importantly: Mylesie, who is probably on the road defensively driving in an attempt to avoid you! For God's sake, are you mad?!
There. I've said it. I know it was harsh, but sometimes kittens, Mylesie must dispense with the tough love. Now let's all be careful out there!
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