Flirting with Disaster

My dear little kumquats, from time to time, Cupid does play wretched tricks on us. We’re trudging along, minding our own business, and suddenly we find ourselves pierced by his arrow of forbidden affection. We may be tempted to dally with scenarios that are taboo. Dalliances can be thrilling and fun—and they can lead to heartbreak. I have heard from countless readers as to the difficulty in finding a fun, attractive, suitable mate.  “Mylesie,” they exclaim, “why can’t I just find someone like you?!”  Then they go on to describe the harrowing situations and misunderstandings they have found themselves in because they don’t feel worthy of having everything they ever wanted. They feel used, lonely, hurt, and in despair. 

Well, kittens, the plain truth is:  you are ARE worthy of having everything you ever wanted.  You must not give in to temptations that will lead to your ultimate misery or keep you from focusing on what you really want from your life.  If you don’t believe me, ask me, as this smart reader did:

Dear Mylesie,

I have been in touch with many old friends on Facebook. I have reconnected with an "old crush" recently and discovered that those "old" crush feelings have bubbled to the surface just like in high school. Wow!  Who knew I was just one click away from a relapsed crush? Of course, our lives are so different now.  The other person is married with children, but the temptation to flirt is very hard to resist!! Oh, what to do Mylesie? Please squeeze some sense out of this!!

--Tempted in Tiverton


Dear Temp

What to do, indeed! You don’t say whether you are married, but it doesn’t matter sweet cheeks.  Even if you begin “a little harmless flirtation,” the question is, how do you see it playing out?  Yours truly has no problem with flirtation in and of itself—in fact, not a day goes by that one of my many admirers doesn’t bat his or her eyelashes and flash winning smiles in my direction.  The difference between you and Mylesie in this instance, kitten, is that I am not confused in the slightest about where such displays will and (more to the point) will not lead.

Yes, darling, I called you “Temp,” and I always have a reason for these little plays on words.  Sometimes it’s to express my vast and amazing cleverness, however, in this case, I am using it as a little cautionary metaphor.  If your love monkey is married, with children no less, “temp” is what you shall be—as in temporary. The truth is, there is no sense to be squeezed out of this.  This has nowhere to go but badly.  It occurs to me that you are entertaining this little scenario because it’s “safe.” You are thinking, “better to know it will end in disaster so I won’t be surprised and come unhinged.” You are confused, and must therefore put the kibosh on this flirtation with your old, annoyingly married crush before you find yourself broken and humiliated on the side of the road, wallowing in your own urine, shame, and regret.  Hyperbole aside, darling, wouldn’t you really rather have someone who can have you?  Let’s aim for that, shall we?